Will Smith, Chris Rock and what Slapgate Says About Abuse In Our Culture
It’s being called “slap-gate” and the “slap heard round the world.” During wrap ups of 2022, the moment Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on stage during the Oscars ceremony will surely be mentioned.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on the joke presenter Chris Rock made about Will Smith’s wife Jada. She appeared at the awards bald and Rock noted that he was looking forward to seeing the sequel of Demi Moore’s GI-Jane (Moore appeared bald in the film). Will initially laughed at the joke, saw his wife’s dejected look, calmly made his way onto the stage, slapped Rock, calmly sat back down, then screamed impassioned obscenities at Rock while seated.
Apparently those in attendance thought the incident was staged until Smith began swearing at Rock, who, though stunned, gracefully made it through the segment. Will Smith, who went on to win his first Oscar for Best Actor in King Richard, tearfully apologized during his acceptance speech, though not to Rock.
Like a ball of yarn, there are so many layers to unpick with this incident, that it seems impossible to address them all. I’ll try my best though, with the understanding that I’m just an outsider looking in, and I’ll never know or understand many facets of the incident.
The most obvious is the racial element. This incident took place between two black men, about a black woman and her hair (or lack thereof). I am not black. And, as many black women via social media have pointed out, as a white woman, I will never understand how this feels.
This is an abuse issue in a more macro sense, as I’ll break down. Let me just say at the outset, I love Will Smith. He’s arguably one of the most versatile actors in Hollywood, with a range that many actors, given the chance, would probably kill for. He comes across as genuine and kind, and though I haven’t seen King Richard yet, I’m certain he deserved his Oscar win.
Having said that, am I also I going to say that Will Smith is an abuser? Though experientially and academically I’m an abuse expert with a Masters in Understanding Domestic and Sexual Violence, I don’t know enough about his personal life to make that judgement. Was his slap of Chris Rock abusive? I think that’s an obvious yes, though many have argued that it was a heroic defense of his wife and that he was protecting her, especially in light of his profound regret that he was unable to protect his mother who was physically abused by his father. But… he and Rock were not engaged in a shootout in the wild west, and the Oscars awards ceremony was neither the time, nor the place to protect her. Though women like Tiffany Haddish (whom I adore), say they loved to see it and that it showed love and defense of a black woman by their man, and it meant a lot to her. I have not been in her shoes and don’t pretend to understand a cultural context I’m not privy to.
An interesting aspect is breaking down Will Smith’s three-pronged response. First, he laughed at the joke. Second, he saw his wife’s dejected expression and CALMLY walked to the stage for the slap, then CALMLY walked back to his seat. That’s an important element, as it shows that he made a calculated decision to act. He didn’t rush the stage, which would have been evidence of losing control. He was cool as a cucumber during the walk up and the walk back down, probably leading the audience to think it was staged. Third and lastly, his anger (which some have termed “passion”) only really showed when he started SPEAKING (or yelling) at Chris Rock after he had sat back down. It’s inverted. Calm physical assault, passionate verbal assault. This is the element that falls in line with what abusers typically do. Again though, I don’t know his history well enough to call him an abuser. That’s just not a normal response, to be chill during a physical assault and then passionate during a subsequent verbal assault.
Was Chris Rock blameless? By no means. Someone who knows how much black hair means to black women that he made a documentary about the topic? If anyone should have known how that joke would come off, it should have been him. But he didn’t have the empathy to understand. Did he deserve physical abuse for his callous joke? Some have argued that he did. Does verbal violence require an answer in the form of physical violence? In a public forum on national television? By someone who is a role model to many? I’m gonna go with a no on this one. Is Rock an abuser? Again, I don’t know enough about his personal life to make that judgement. Was his joke verbally abusive? Absolutely. It was about a medical issue and someone’s appearance.
When Will Smith made the decision to get up on that stage and slap a presenter at the Oscars, he was affecting way more people than just himself and the person he assaulted. Who else was affected? His wife, Jada. He made her a bystander, unable to address the slight leveled at her. Did she appreciate what her husband did or was she appalled by it? We don’t know. But she was largely taken out of the equation by what Will Smith did. It became about HIM and HIS response to someone belittling her, no longer about HER. And this opened her up to all sorts of people calling HER out!
Shortly after the event took place, abuse expert and podcaster Laura Richards took to Instagram to proclaim” And somehow all of this will get twisted and turned into blaming women… Leaving this here… you’ll see…” I thought this was extreme, and that surely no one could blame Jada for what happened. Like clockwork though, many took to social media to blame her, just like Richards said would happen. People claimed that Jada is abusive and drove her husband to the violence with her facial response to the comment. What I saw as a crestfallen look that said, “I can’t believe you just said that!” many called a “sneer.” Because surely, someone of Will Smith’s caliber would never be drawn to do something like he did without an abusive spouse urging him to it, right? Ummm… Yeah, let’s blame the victim again.
Laura Richards’ Instagram Post
Is Jada Smith an abuser? Again, I don’t know enough about her personal life to make that judgement, but I do know that she is not responsible for her husband’s actions. He is.
One of the few positive elements in all of this is that the medical condition of alopecia which caused Jada’s baldness, is being given extensive coverage, which is allowing its victims to speak out in greater numbers and confidence. We might as well take the wins where we can.
Who else was affected by all of this? How about the winner of the award Chris Rock was presenting?! His moment was forever stolen because people weren’t thinking about him, but about what Will Smith had just done. In that light, the slap was incredibly selfish on Will Smith’s part. It was him saying, “the spotlight is meant to be on someone else, but I’m going to place it back on me, because I can’t handle what just happened.” Not cool, Robert Frost!
Many people have eye-rolled abuse survivors and others who say that the incident traumatized them, remarking that they were not in any danger and that it was not about them. Anyone making those comments has clearly never experienced abuse and that fact that real-life events can be triggering, as they bring back elements of the abuse in a very real way, both emotionally and physically. Host Amy Shumer, herself a survivor of abuse, said that it triggered her and one of the other hosts talked about how it made her feel physically ill.
He certainly wasn’t thinking about abuse victims during his acceptance speech apology, which further triggered abuse victims, as he just justified his actions, saying “love will make you do crazy things.” If every abuse victim who ever heard those words come out of the mouth of their abuser gave him a dime, I’m guessing he would have replaced most of the salary for acting in his next film. These are all elements Will Smith could not have been thinking about when he did what he did, to say nothing of the investigation into the matter by the Academy.
This all brings up another aspect: we, at home, see an awards ceremony like this as entertainment, but to the actors and presenters, this is their workplace. Is this an example of workplace toxicity and abuse that has simply spilled over into its inevitable conclusion, like slow moving lava that was bound to burn someone eventually? Quite possibly.
When one attends these ceremonies and events, there is a certain level of “roast” that is expected. Meaning, the presenters poke fun at other celebrities that are present. I don’t know if this has always been the case, but it’s a reality that everyone present at the event expects and accepts. Until now. Has the roast gotten too hot and finally the burn victims are protesting? Just maybe.
The best comedy is self-deprecating. We identify with the comedian and like them even more for it. Comedy that makes fun of others is less easy to stomach, and often the fine line of acceptability is crossed. An example that comes to mind is Donald Trump making fun of a disabled journalist.
Slap-gate may be evidence that such toxic and verbally abusive roasts are no longer appropriate and/or welcome. In what other work environments would employees be allowed to be verbally abused in public? Sure, THESE employees are paid the big bucks, and maybe the abuse is part of it, but that begs the question, should it be? Why should it be? Just because you are well paid for your craft, does that mean you and your family should have to suffer verbal abuse? Is this an example of someone finally saying “enough!” in a dramatic, unhealthy and abusive way? Quite possibly.
Who is to blame in this instance? Chris Rock, who followed the “let’s-abuse-our-audience-and-make-fun-of-them-because-it’s-appropriate-in-this-setting” guidelines set and normalized over the years by the Academy, even though he should have known better because he produced a documentary on black womens’ hair? Will Smith, who, the son of an abusive man and regretful that he was never able to protect his mother, let his anger boil over, said “enough is enough,” took the spotlight from others, maybe saw himself protecting his wife, but assaulted someone physically? Jada Smith, who was the target of verbal abuse, made responsible by some for her husband’s physically abusive response? The Academy, for fostering decades of toxic and verbal abuse toward its members during ceremonies?
Maybe it’s time we stopped trying to suss out who is to blame and start calling out abuse with a wider lens. Maybe we shine a spotlight at verbal abuse that has hidden in plain sight as “comedy.” Maybe we decide to be better, kinder and more empathetic toward each other, like Lady Gaga was with an elderly Liza Minelli.
Maybe we decide to see this as a moment to stand our ground and no longer let verbal abuse be a joking matter, one that we’re banned from challenging under the protest of “you’re too sensitive.” We’re not snowflakes, but we’re human beings. Sticks and stones hurt, but sometimes, words cut even deeper.
